when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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