when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
