My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
