I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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