My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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