Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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