i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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