By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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