Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
