I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
