I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
