dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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