I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
