THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
