Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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