Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
