I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm always down for nudity.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
