Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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