I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
