shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
