It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drake has all the answers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
