Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
