I love black thongs
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
