shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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