Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
