I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
