Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
