I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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