Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
