Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
