Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
