FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
