this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
