Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
