she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The adults are the big ones right?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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