My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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