Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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