I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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