Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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