That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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