C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
