i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
