i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
