I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
