people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
