He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need to calm my uterus...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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