Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
