I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
