Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
