he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
