So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
