there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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