She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
