I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
false alarm, still single
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
