Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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