just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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