I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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