Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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