so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
