the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
