So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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