i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
