Ambien. No doubt about it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
