Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
