its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
