It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
