I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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