Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
