my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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