By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
