I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize