Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
