Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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