Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
