why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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