My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you bring me the toilet please
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
