oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
