she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
