Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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