Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We got so high we made milksteak
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
