I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
