Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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